May 2012
I’m so happy to have toilet paper in my apartment. So damn happy.
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I have about 43 dollars in my bank account. I really want the Greendale Human Beings shirt. It’s 12 dollars. I need to go shopping for things.
My dilemma.
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what guys say they want: a girl with personality because looks aren't everything
what girls say they want: a guy with personality because looks aren't everything
what guys really want: a blowjob
what girls really want: at least seven inches
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Had a dream about trying to have sex with one of my guy friends from back home. And we kept getting caught. This seems to be happening with my sex dreams lately. Why.
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barackfuckingobama:
I bet Spiderman left New York City for a day trip and when he came back, he saw the catastrophic aftermath of The Avengers and he was like
“I WAS GONE FOR ONE DAY. ONE DAY.”
Being a mature adult at this age is quite difficult.
lookingforangela:
the-ultimate-unicorn:
lookingforangela:
the-ultimate-unicorn replied to your post: Hmmm.
——i just had sex——-
HAHAHAHHAHA.
I was at work so NO I was not having sex.
Yet.
The key word, kids, is yet.
I might as well be a virgin. :| Stop corrupting me, Samantha.
It’s what I do best, babe.
Me: Toliet paper and toothpaste. Oh and food.
Brandon: hawt i like all of those things
Me: Everyone should.
Brandon: at the same time
just
so nice
Me: But with the toothpaste? That's a little kinky weird.
Brandon: yup
do it
yup
i take toothpaste, put it on toilet paper, and wipe my butt while eating pizza
Me: ... Um.
Brandon: yup that just happened
lookingforangela:
the-ultimate-unicorn replied to your post: Hmmm.
——i just had sex——-
HAHAHAHHAHA.
I was at work so NO I was not having sex.
Yet.
The key word, kids, is yet.
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Community and Cougar Town
Two of my favorite shows having their creators replaced because of the network. Cougar Town is getting moved to TBS; Community losing its executive producer.
These two shows have such an internet following, it’s insane. Because of the fans, both of these shows are still on the air, even with threats of cancellation.
All I have to say, is that I hope for the best. The fandom will try and...
That moment when the alcohol you have consumed has just hit you and all you wanna do is eat and sleep. But there is nothing to eat.
Everyone flakes. Every. One.
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the-ultimate-unicorn:
I tell people that I never get jealous. And that is right about 90 percent of the time. When I do get jealous, I really get jealous but I never show it. I’ve always been good at hiding it.
No one ever knows.
all i wanna do is lay lazily in my bed and watch the season finale of Community and Hulu is just being a little bitch and not letting me. just let me watch and then die.
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Me on facebook: Stop being illiterate you futile twats, your lack of language complexity enrages me.
Me on tumblr: omFG shutup idgaf ok that's perf~ so cuTE
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Listen
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Yeah I'm sick of everyone's bullshit
I literally want to punch everyone in the face. I don’t know why I put up with everyone. Screw human beings.
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That awkward moment when you think you’ve slept for a million years but instead finding out it was only an hour.
friend: you can't just judge someone from what music they like
me: yes I can
It’s funny how I’ve only been up for about 3 hours and I just want to go to sleep. I could care less about anything else right now.
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THE BEST TRAIN CONVERSATION I HAVE EVER OVERHEARD
Man 1: But I'm not Gay!
Man 2: Yeah, but if you WERE. Thor or Loki?
Man 1: but I'm not!
Man 2: IRRELEVANT! THOR OR LOKI!
Man 1: honestly?
Man 2: THOR OR LOKI!
Man 1: probably Iron Man.
Man 2: SERIOUSLY? TONY STARK?
Man 1: yeah. I'd love to be Robet Downey Jr's bitch. God, that man....
Man 2: ooh I know what you mean. how would he proceed?
Man 1: well we'd be having dinner and he'd have his hand on my leg and he'd whisper in my ear and tell me exactly what he was going to do to me.
Man 2: oh yeah..
Man 1: and then his hand'd go further to the top of my leg and start grasping my-
Random Woman: EXCUSE ME THERE ARE CHILDREN ON THIS TRAIN.
*awkward silence*
Man 2: ...and you said you werent gay!
Compliments
I have this really hard time taking them.
I got a text message last night, from a guy that I’ve only met twice, that I had the perfect body and had a nice smile.
All I wanted to do was throw my phone across the room.
Why
No, but seriously. Why. I’m so over it. So fucking over it. Why is my brain over it but my heart isn’t. Fuck my heart.
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Don’t know if hungry or if I want to puke.
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looking back at myself a year ago: how embarassing
looking back at myself a month ago: how embarassing
looking back at myself a week ago: how embarassing
looking back at myself yesterday: how embarassing
looking at myself right now: how embarassing
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“Me: WHY’S YOUR COMPUTER IN YOUR ROOM. YOU MASTURBATING IN THERE?
Ariana: What?...”
– (via onani-master)
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